Gendo's Happy Bake Oven
by Mooby39
Summary: The first Chapter is like an episode of sealab 2021, but the story develops later. anyway, since i got kicked off this site for putting this under pg13 or something like that i put it back under R. so R/R
1. Default Chapter

To all platypus enthusiasts I apologize I humbly support the noble platypus and its warped lifestyle

INSERT STANDARD DISCLAIMER 

This fic is set 7 years after EOE all of the children are 21

__

_GENDO'S HAPPY BAKE OVEN_

It was a quiet day in Tokyo 3 everyone had little or nothing to do since the angels where now dead, that was until Gendo called every one to their battle stations. He was sitting high above everyone else in his chair over looking the command deck "Who took it!" he said in an eerily calm voice

Ritsuko looked up at the commander "Who took what?" she asked in hopes of an explanation 

Gendo's head turned to her "So you admit it do you, I knew you were out to get me but why would you do something like this, is nothing sacred anymore"

"Um Gendo you have to tell them what happened before you go off blaming someone and have them killed" the second commander put in.

"Oh is that so, I guess your in on it too are you well I'll teach you, I'll teach you all not to mess with me I will slaughter you all like a wolf among lambs, THE SEA WILL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES!!" he roared

Kozo walked up to the first commander and slapped him repeatedly with Penpen the penguin "pull yourself together man"

"Sorry" he grunted "the reason I called you here his because someone has stolen something very important to me, my happy bake oven the only source of joy in my life since Yui died" he paused for a minute and than continued "anyhow my happy bake oven can cook muffins cupcakes and pies using only a forty watt light bulb. It comes with pre packaged ingredients that have to be mixed properly before cooking but the secret ingredient is love…damn it "

Everyone in the geo-front fell over laughing at their commander's stupidity, after recovering Misato looked up at the commander and wiping some tears away asked, "so what do you want us to do about it"

"I'm sending you all out to find it," he said smirking evilly

** 

~Meanwhile~ 

Shinji was sitting in his home with is wife (that's right he's married and nope it ain't to Asuka but to the blue haired babe Rei, don't worry Asuka's in it to) "Shinji isn't it time for you to be going to work you know how much your secretary hates it when your late"

Shinji drained the rest of his coffee and said, "Yeah she's such a bitch" and with that he got up and headed out the door, got in his car and headed for an undisclosed location.

When he arrived in his car park his read headed secretary ran out and dragged him into his office by his hair screaming. It sounded to him she was upset about his being late and what was expected of him since he was the boss "just because the boss doesn't have to show up till later in the morning doesn't mean that you can come at 1 o'clock in the after noon your expected to be here on time you know" she yelled

"Damn just give me a break we're the only ones working today anyway, its Sunday remember Asuka," he grumbled

She looked at him for a few seconds than preceded to slap him silly. 

~~~~~~ 

~Geo-front~

Fuyutski was standing beside his hysterical friend who was rocking back and forth in his chair crying like a baby "oh stop your bitching man, its just an oven after all"

Gendo looked up at his friend and said in a voice filled with rage, "You can speak ill of me and my family all you want, but I swear to god if you ever speak ill of my happy bake oven again I WILL kill you"

Kozo snickered at his boss for a few minutes before picking up his mobile phone and dialing a number. "Send him in" he said when the other end picked up.

Within 15 seconds after giving the order a short fat balding man wearing a star trek uniform named Melvin who collects stamps walked in, the commander looked up and asked, "Who's he?"

"It doesn't matter he's only an extra" came the second commander's reply. He gave the short bald guy a nod and said, "Commence operation annoying little fat man"

"Yes sir" he said before running up to Gendo and spinning him around as fast as he could on his chair before stopping it and kicking the back of the seat making him fall out and singing "Gendo is an old bastard who likes to fuck turtles and lick his own armpits and than drink out of the toilet" he said poking his tongue out "you stupid horse fucker you have sex with dead people and like to sniff donkeys ass's, seeing that this wasn't working he started on his son "and your son is a sick son of a bitch who has an incest filled life because he's married to what could possible be his half sister, and he eats those blue urinal cakes"

"You've gotta try harder than that" Kozo snorted

"Hhhm I know…Last night I stole your happy bake oven and made love to it than I burnt it and pissed on its ashes hahahahahahaha…." His victorious laugh was cut short when a giant piano fell on him through an open hole in the ceiling that was operated by remote; it was now Gendo who was laughing evilly

I guess he was serious he thought, "Um sir you do realize that you can get in a lot of trouble for that don't you?"

"No I cant he was an extra, remember"

"Oh yeah" he said before laughing as well

**

~Meanwhile~

Back at Shinji's office Shinji was talking to someone on the phone "So the plan is going according to plan… yes I know … so operation annoying little fat man was a success, excellent continue on with the original plan"

"What plan I didn't know of any plan?" Asuka asked as she sorted through a bunch of files

"The plan I came up with to get revenge on my father for being such an asshole, and fucking everyone in the Akagi family" he said cracking his knuckles and leaning back in his seat

"Wow, that's pretty evil of you, ya know," She said. "I guess you're not such a spineless pussy after all" 

He looked up at her and smiled "That's only part of it, You have know idea how powerful I am, did you know I have a secret underground base that's even bigger than the geo-front"

"No you don't," She said disbelievingly 

"No, it's true I'm also the boss and unknown owner of Seele" 

"If you're the boss, but your also unknown how do you tell them what to do?"

"Easily haven't you heard of voice modification and voice only transmission, I've been doing it for ages"

"Since when?"

"Since I was 15" he said with a cocky smile

"Well than if your father works for you than why don't you just fire him?"

Shinji rolled his eyes and said "I already told you because I'm trying to drive him insane, everything I do is for a reason"

"Well what's the reason for sleeping with me when you're married to Wonderbitch" She purred sexily

Shinji gave her a look that said _do you really have to ask than answered, "Because she's lousy in the sack"_

~The next day~ 

Rei walked into Shinji's office looking for him as he hadn't been home all night and found him asleep on his desk naked with Asuka beside him "SHINJI HOW DARE YOU SLEEP WITH HER" she screamed 

Shinji woke up with a start and looked to see who found out about his affair "oh its you Rei, don't look so surprised, everyone knows your no good in bed, and hell when I've got one Hot mother fucking secretary what the hell do you expect"

She looked at him for a few minutes with tears in her eyes before deciding "I know I'll prove to you how good In bed I really am" She said before kicking Asuka out of the office and having wild hot mad sex with Shinji for the next 6 hours

**Meanwhile**

"I want you to use every available resource we have to find my happy bake oven, and the person who finds it gets a gold star" Gendo said as he watched everyone stare up at him holding back their laughter

"Um excuse me sir I'm the new recruit for the nerv central dogma team" came a voice from the doorway everyone looked and saw Touji standing there "what am I supposed to do?"

"Find my happy bake oven, I don't care if you die trying just get me my happy bake oven," he said with an evil cackle

Oooooook Shinji's dad has gone insane he thought as he sat down at his computer terminal and saw Kensuke next to him "hey Kensuke how long have you been working here?" he asked

"About 3 months"

"And how long has Shinji's dad been insane for?" 

"Since last night, when someone stole his happy bake oven"

"Damn that's just fricken weird"

~Back at Shinji's office~ 

"So Shinji how was it?" Rei asked as he lay back on her husband's king-sized desk

Shinji turned his head to face her "it was good, but not as good as it is with Asuka"

"DAMN, THAT'S IT ASUUKA GET IN HERE **NOOOW!!!!!" Rei bellowed**

Asuka walked in the room to see what was wrong "what is it now?" she asked slightly scared of the blue haired women

"You me and Shinji are all going to have sex together, so I can see what you do that makes it so good for him"

Shinji sat up straight "SWEET ITS THREESOME TIME" he yelled in excitement and watched as Rei ripped Asuka's clothes off

***2 hours later***

Rei and Asuka were exhausted and laying on the floor and Shinji who had been having sex all night and for the past 8 hours looked like he was in a coma "Well Shinji… how… was it?" Rei puffed out

"S…sex… excellent…………… must sl... Sleep" the body mumbled before passing out

Rei turned her head towards Asuka "You know Asuka your pretty good in bed, I guess that's what Shinji likes"

"Right, whatever" She said before getting up and walking out of Shinji's office to the front room where everyone else worked. When she left the room she noticed that there were 20 people looking at her and the office and a thought flashed through her mind CRAP ITS MONDAY she checked a clock it was 10:30 am. She also noticed that she was naked and ran back into Shinji's office.

"Excuse me Asuka but I think that Shinji may be dead" Rei said worriedly 

She shot her head towards her boss "are you dense of course he's not dead he's jut really tired"

"Why would he be really tired?"

"Well he has been having sex for the past 18 hours of course he's tired"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

THAT'S IT FOR THIS CHAPTER BUT DON'T WORRY THERES MORE COMING AND POSIBLY SOON SO IF YOU LIKED IT CHECK IN NEXT TIME FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER

Peace out and live large god knows I do 


	2. Chap 2

GENDO'S HAPPY BAKE OVEN

Gendo walked into central dogma "I want a status report" 

"Nothing yet sir" Kensuke answered, "but if I find it you'll be the first to know" retard he said as he sat at his station trying to look like he was working, but was really playing space invaders on his computer

Maya who was sitting on Kensuke's right was looking over his shoulder as he went for the high score and thinking this kid has really got to get a life staying here and playing space invaders all day cant be good

Touji was lying on the floor in front of his computer thinking there has got to be some way of ditching work 

"Well than if anyone needs me… tough I'm gonna go take my 'afternoon nap,' " he said before heading off to his office

~~~~~~~ 

~Shinji's office~ 

Shinji woke up from his deep slumber and looked around the room the lights were off but he could still make out a sleeping figure on the ground near him. He got up and walked over to the figure he noticed that it was Rei; he bent down beside her and shook her awake "Rei, Rei wake up" 

She opened her eyes, looked up at him and said "Shinji, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you"

"Really what is it"?

She nodded and said, "Its over we're getting a divorce"

"How come" he asked not sounding too disappointed

"Well I have come to terms with myself and I am a lesbian" 

"HUH?" he was shocked stiff "w…what do ya mean?"

"Well in that sexual encounter I found Asuka far more attractive than I ever found you" She got up and walked out of the room

Shinji watched as his wife of 2 years got up and left his office butt naked "hhhm o well doesn't matter I've still got Asuka…. Wait but what if she goes lesbian too, well lucky I always got a backup supply" he pulled out his black address book and looked down the list for his new women well lets see who we got here… there's Maya, Mana, Hikari, Izumi, Megumi and Ryoko "I'll decide later I got stuff to do now" he got up and headed out the door

~Mean while~

Touji was in the nerv cafeteria with Kensuke and they were talking about the usual crap "yeah see look its brown" Kensuke said

"Well than how come mines green?" Touji said pointing to the bowl on his lunch tray "damn cafeteria food cant they serve anything good" (what did u think I was talking about something different? I pity tha fool who has such a sick mind) 

Touji continued down the line "is that supposed to be ramen, looks like rat guts" he said making a disgusted face

"I…. Think it's supposed to be ramen"

At that Touji dropped his plate and left the cafeteria Kensuke quickly followed suit "Where we going?"

"To Shinji's place"

"Why?"

"Because he's rich and has a gourmet chef and cooking assistants"

"Sweet"

They headed off in the direction of the nearest exit

~Mean while~

Back at Shinji's 'bachelor pad' house

~Ding dong~

 The doorbell rang Shinji jumped up from the couch and ran to the front door expecting to see his new 'lady friend' but was disappointed when it was the new pizza boy Dougie. He handed him the pizza and said "that'll be $14.95 thanks" Shinji handed him the money and was about to close the door when he put his foot in the way "hey hey hey, how about a tip"

"Yeah right I forgot sorry, get a better job jackass" he slammed the door closed (if your Australian than you should know who Dougie is)

"Asshole hope you fucking choke," he muttered just than the sprinklers cut on soaking the poor delivery boy

Touji and Kensuke watched as the delivery boy fled from the scene, stumbling over a second sprinkler and laughed, "he's such a cheap bastard he never gives a tip"

They walked up to the front door and pressed the doorbell. They waited patiently for Shinji come.

Inside Shinji could be heard "its about time you got here May…. Oh hi what are you guys doing here?"

"Who did you just say was coming?" Kensuke said leaning in toward his friend

"Um Maya why…?" 

"What are you insane that chicks a dyke"

"What makes you think that?" Shinji asked

"Well from what I heard she never goes out with any guys, she turned me down and I even heard she turned down Kaji a while back"

"Yeah well no offence but you 2 are both Dick heads," he said before allowing them in.

Kensuke and Touji both pulled back with mock hurt on their faces than walked in "so Shinji what are you up to today"

"Not much I'm just having interviews for my new 'lady friend' " 

"Why do ya need a new one you got Rei remember?" Touji asked

"Yeah why" Kensuke spoke up

Shinji sighed than spoke "Rei went lesbian and I'm afraid that Asuka may too"

"Oooooook I get it" 

Touji started making his way toward Shinji's kitchen "don't worry Shinji if you cant get another girlfriend you can always go around to the gay side, I'm sure Koaru will have you" he joked but stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Koaru scream down from the heavens

"IM NOOOOOT GAAAAY"

Everyone laughed when they heard this obviously the young angel still had not come to terms with himself yet Shinji and Kensuke headed towards the kitchen as well but Shinji stopped when he heard the doorbell ring and ran back to the front door. He opened it to reveal Maya "hi" 

"Hello, so what's this interview for?" she asked as she stepped inside

"Well you see I'm on the lookout for a new girlfriend…" Maya interrupted him

"So what does this have to do with me?"

"Well I have to find the right girl because well, I can't just date anyone it has to be someone I like."

"You don't seem to mind going out with Asuka," she said sarcastically 

"No see that's different"

"How?"

"Well… um see the thing is… I … um I dunno it just is" he finished finally 

"Riiiiiight so what do you want me to do" 

Shinji was sweating profusely "well see I… I wanted to know if… if"

"If **I** would be that **SPECIAL** lady friend" Shinji nodded nervously "well I'm not sure if you know this but I-AM-A-LESBIAN"

"Shit you too Jesus Christ everyone seems to be going lesbian on me" 

Maya's eyes lit up with joy at the mention of another lesbian "Really, who c'mon I gotta know"

"Rei" Shinji sighed out

She walked over and patted him on the back "don't worry Shinji it'll be alright" for me that is, Rei is such a babe

~1 week later~

Gendo had just awoken from his 'afternoon nap' and was still hungry he got up from the secret compartment under the desk and headed toward the cafeteria for a nice glass of milk but Kozo and Ritsuko interrupted his journey "Gendo I believe that your afternoon naps are becoming somewhat of a problem"

"How so?"

"Well the afternoon naps have slowly been turning into week long hibernations"

"SHUT UP" he said

Kozo turned to Ritsuko "don't worry he's always grouchy after a nice relaxing sleep"

"I know I got the same treatment last Monday morning after he woke up and I didn't have milk left in my hous…" she realised what she was saying. At this kozo began to hum and walk around in circles.

Gendo decided to change the subject "I want a full update on my happy bake oven"

Kozo stopped humming and turned to his long time friend "nothing yet but were going to have to continue the search another time" 

"And why pray tell is that?"

"Well you see all of our so called bridge bunnies have disappeared"

"I see well than we shall continue the search ourselves," Gendo said before walking off in the direction of the cafeteria time for a couple of bickies and a glass of milk he thought before walking through a door

"You know I think he really has gone insane," Ritsuko whispered to the vice commander

"How can you tell?"

"Easy he just walked into the sceptic tank room" she made a disgusted face mental note: no sex with Gendo for 2 weeks 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

THAT'S IT FOR THIS CHAPTER 

Yeah, yeah I know its short and frankly I'm not to pleased with it but r/r I wanna know what you think and if you think that I should add something to this story than speak up god knows I need some help

PEACE OUT AND LIVE LARGE god knows I do


End file.
